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When is a Choice Not Really a Choice?

1/11/2018

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Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my brother’s heartrending, untimely death. A photo of him and his dog Buck sit on the little table in between my desk and meditation chair. I often find comfort in his presence here, beside me. 

I have had four years to sift through the rubble and try to make sense of his complicated death and the turmoil within my family that followed. Although there have been many experiences of healing and loving acceptance, there also remains a residue of confusion and tension in various pockets of my family life and within my own soul.

One such area is my decision to not attend his funeral in Arizona because there was a CTL* retreat scheduled at that same time. I believed I needed to be with my ‘CTL family’ in my broken hearted state of grief. I believed I needed the strength and clarity of my teacher Doug in order to process my intense emotions. I believed I needed the loving circle of people who knew who I really was. I believed they were more important than my sisters and father who traveled out there together. Without me.

I assured myself we would have a funeral in NY for him at a later date because my mother was in the hospital with a double knee replacement and could not travel. And I took comfort in a plan for me to fly out to Arizona a few days later to accompany my elderly father on his return flight. It was a perfect plan that I constructed in my own confused mind so I could swallow the bitter pill of missing my brother’s funeral – but mostly, it was the story I told myself so I could live with my decision to go to the CTL retreat instead of my brother’s funeral.

Well, there never was a funeral for him in NY. And my father flew home unaccompanied and I was left to face my decision. But it would be four more months before I could even begin to understand that my choice to go to the retreat instead of the funeral, was not fully my choice.

It was May 28, 2014, barely 4 months later, when a fissure in my 18 years of dedication to CTL erupted in my psyche and within a week, I wrote this to a friend, “There is no question in me now that Wednesday night, the dam that broke in me released me from a cult.”
And today, after 4 years and 8 months of soul searching, studying, writing and speaking about cult dynamics, I can finally offer myself a healthy dose of kindness and understanding around my decision - because, when my brother died, my mind was not fully my own. Over the next couple of months, I will write more about mind control. 

In the meantime, have you, dear reader, ever experienced or witnessed someone you love, making a choice that was not really a choice? Please feel free to share. 

* Please read my blog statement to clarify the use of names throughout my writing and my intention for this blog. 

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Corey Lewandowski: I Feel Your Pain

12/7/2017

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In yesterday’s ‘The View’ interview Trump's former campaign manager said “I want a killer for a President,” nearly leaping out of his seat. And “I have failed him,” his face gripped in disgust.

I feel your pain, Corey Lewandowski.

Yes. For years I believed I had failed Doug. I could not keep pace with his brilliance. But I kept trying and trying and mostly, I failed him.

It is the failing that keeps the striving going. And it is the striving that engines the entire cult ship. What we are striving for is always just beyond reach, keeping us in our place, provoking humility and self-flagellation. In failing, a pecking order is established and reinforced again and again. It is the failing that births the need for the killer. Be tough on me. I can take it. I want it. I want to feel the blood in my mouth from your hit because then I know that I am alive. Bring it on. Be tough on me!

Yeah. Be tough Donald. Oh yeah. I want a killer for a president. Be tough on the world. Be tough on the bullshit of the world. You know the truth about Jerusalem and you’ve got the guts to say what you know and let the cards fall where they may. I trust your brilliance. Yup. Donald and Doug are two peas in a brilliance pod.

Never quite able to put your finger on what exactly was happening.
But never let on that you didn’t know.
It was a feeling thing.
An energetic swoosh that would ripple through the room when he walked in, carrying a coffee cup. The chatting quieted. When he stopped to talk with someone, anyone - didn’t matter who, all eyes were casually not on him. But we all wondered and wished that we could be so lucky.

Do you let yourself think this Corey? That this man is the greatest ride the world has ever seen and I will go down in glory and fame for being one of the ones who knew it first?

Yes. Mr. Lewandowski. I sincerely feel your pain. You have a secret that you want the world to know and there are so many deaf ears that cannot, will not hear that your man Donald has the goods. At this point, I know that you know exactly what you are doing. Someone has to do it and you have the fire in your belly so you must.

But can we sit for a moment Corey? Just to chat? I’d love to hear more about your work and I have a few questions for you.

What do you think? Where do you fit into the picture? What is your role in this wild ride? And did I ask, what do you think?

In what way have you failed Donald Trump? Tell me more. I sincerely want to know.

Hmm...why do you call that failure when most would consider it an honest mistake?

I make mistakes all the time and let me tell you a secret: when I was with Doug, I believed that I was failing him all the time - I believed that I was a disgrace to the amazing, unchartered waters that he was rising through, like a new star. I was tarnishing his shine and I worked my ass off to correct that and occasionally I tasted the glory of his extraordinary manna.

But, I have to tell you Corey, that actually, his manna didn’t nourish me. I would eat it but the darn bread took my vision. I couldn’t see it was actually sustaining HIM - not me! AND I was paying for this manna. I was paying to feed HIM!

Forgive me, perhaps I stepped over a line. It’s my story man. Not yours. Let’s get back to yours.

Indeed, let’s let Trump be Trump. And Corey be Corey. And Gerette be Gerette.

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Mind Spinning – Musing on that Mechanism

11/2/2017

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Today I need to talk myself off of a cliff.

I’ve been up since 3 am, fussing. My mind is spinning and I want to scream. Maybe that is what I need – I good primal scream… maybe I’ll try it, but not while everyone else is sleeping.

Just before going to bed last night I broke my ‘no computer after 8’ rule (again) because I had to login to the Copley Patient Portal to check my bloodwork results. I wanted to know what my recent thyroid labs would reveal because I have been working hard to reduce my dependency on medication and I believed that I had made some progress.

I was wrong. Argh. Today I know that I will receive a call from my Endocrinologist to increase my dose and this is not what I want to hear.

And I’m wondering, how is Mind Spinning related to Mind Leaping to Disaster? Is it the very same function of what I have started calling my ‘Jimmy mind’ – that quick moving, jumping to conclusions way of thinking?

Hmm… yes, I do believe that quick moving Jimmy has been at the wheel of my mind since 3 am and it’s now nearly 6. OK. This is something that I know how to correct, despite the cortisol stress hormones that are likely flooding my system right now, asking for more action. Yes, it is time to breathe, turn my attention to the still point in between my breaths and put my Reiki hands on my belly to ground.

I just took 10 minutes in my favorite chair and did exactly that. And my mind is slower, more open and reflective.

I can now bring self-compassion to my situation with my thyroid and my longing for greater balance. I trust that I am doing what I can and am grateful for medication that supports me. I can feel the difference in my thinking and can tell that ‘Jimmy’ is gone, because I am no longer jumping to conclusions and in rapid fire mode, like when I wrote earlier: “Today I know that I will receive a call from my Endocrinologist to increase my dose and this is not what I want to hear.” That sentence is flooded with stress and anxiety – can’t you hear it?  
In consciously slowing down, just now, I have invited my deeper, more reflective and much smarter thinking system to the table. I have started calling this thinking system ‘Maud’. I love it when Maud comes out of her deep thinking cave and comes to sit with me. I need her more in my life.

Once again, I want to thank Daniel Kahneman for his seminal book, Thinking Fast and Slow. This book has been very helpful for me as I learn to enliven my capacity for the critical thinking that I gave up during all those years in CTL. I love exercising this new muscle between my ears and even more, I love the quiet spaciousness that mindfulness brings into my day.
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What is your success today? How might you invite more of Maud’s quiet, clear presence into your day?
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Mind-Leaping to Disaster: musing on the mechanism

10/24/2017

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What happened today was classic.
 
She was with me when we started our walk, just a little behind and I thought that was a good thing. Perhaps she wouldn’t come all the way. At this point, the Manosh loop is a bit much for her teetery legs - but I needed the walk as much as Hudson and Bree so I kept going.
 
At the far end of the field, I looked back and a flash of white let me know that she was still all the way back at the burn pile. “Good,” I thought. “Let’s book it kids.” I said out loud to my other canine companions, picking up the pace and leaving Lily behind. I was surprised that Hudson and Bree were mellow on this walk. No barking squirrels up trees or chasing after deer ghosts. But at least I could walk at a comfortable pace and not have to keep waiting for Lily.
 
After an hour or so, I circled back to the house and when I opened the door, noticed that she was not inside on her bed. I grabbed the laundry basket and headed out to the back yard. I stopped short when I scanned the lawn. Lily wasn’t in her sit spot. Shit.
 
And here is the classic part: my mind raced to the worst case scenarios - she is lying somewhere in the deep woods, unable to get up. Or maybe she is dead, dropped down in heart attack. I will never forgive myself. I strutted off for a walk with the neighbor’s dogs and left my own beloved, elderly companion behind, actually wanted her to stay behind. How could I?  I am a truly awful person.
 
Have you ever done this kind of thing, mind leaping to disaster? I wonder if men do it as much as women. It happens so much and so reflexively that oftentimes - I don’t even listen - it’s like white noise. But what IS it really, this human tendency for the mind to spin out to dramatic and often inaccurate realities?
 
I believe it is related to that essential component of thinking we all possess and are not very aware of: the thinking fast system described in Dan Kahneman’s book Thinking Fast and Slow. We rely on the thinking fast system for survival, like swerving from the oncoming car, and we can get into trouble when we rely on it for other things. Like me today, wondering where my elderly canine was.
 
At the end of the day, I noticed my progress. The fact that that I paused after a quick scan of the field and gardens, and even though the thought of her struggling was still present, I did not let it run my day. I engaged my slow reflective thinking and was aware of Lily’s steadfast reliability and continued with what I needed to do. Sure enough, when I returned from my errands, she was right there in her sit spot as if she had never left.
 
Today I did not have to do this consciously. I just felt my feet on the ground and knew that, knowing Lily, she was ok. How might I have handled this in the past? I think I would have dropped everything and gone searching, stress hormones pumping and with my heart pounding.
 
The mind needs grounding so that the body does not get flooded with these stress hormones. Letting the mind race untethered on tragedy and drama does exactly that. I believe that leaders of destructive groups are brilliant at keeping things moving so quickly that it is difficult for members to access their essential slow and accurate thinking capacity. That is part of why I was trapped in one for so many years.
 
And I’m feeling pretty good that I bypassed extra stress hormones today. It is important to notice progress.  I’m celebrating what happened today as my new classic!
 
What is your progress? Let me know if you want.
 

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Where's Waldo?!?

7/4/2017

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I am in France, enjoying a family vacation after the 4 day ICSA conference in lovely Bordeaux. In addition to many informative lectures about Cultic Dynamics by renown experts in the field, I also offered a presentation. It was an honor to present in Bordeaux and I will share a snippet about how cult leaders maintain control with you here, (minus the visuals from my PowerPoint)
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"….  Another tactic that Cult Leaders employ is something I call “Complicated Backdrop” or “Where’s Waldo?” Apparently here in France it is “Where’s Charlie?” and in Germany, “Where’s Wally”. I trust that you have experienced these complex ‘search-and-find’ drawings.
Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever dropped something on a patterned rug and watched it land but then not be able to find it? Recently, I dropped a paperclip on my multicolored rag rug and even though I saw exactly where it landed, when I went to pick it up, I simply could not find it!
Now, if that same paperclip landed on a simple, white rug, it would have been easy to spot it. But not this paperclip! I finally ran my hand over the area and just before I was about to touch it, I finally spotted the rascal - right in front of me - exactly where I had been looking!

Cults are like that patterned rug. One of their traits is to have a complicated background rather than the pure white base that many of them proclaim to have. There is nothing straightforward or transparent about cults. They always have a complicated system with rules, structures, and rules about the structures and a complex hierarchy with rules about the various levels, that might be disguised as “truth” or “God’s will” or simply “what is right”. And in this complex environment, what should be obvious, simply isn't.

When my brother died, a sudden, tragic and complicated death in Jan 2014 I did not go to his funeral because it was scheduled at the same time as a CTL Retreat. At the time, I was in my height of involvement with CTL, having finally achieved the status of being an ‘Executive Committee’ member. Part of the culture within CTL was a rule, albeit unspoken, that once you were in the Executive Committee, the commitment to the group was so deep that only earthquakes and extreme situations could keep you away from a retreat. Retreats, in the CTL world were paramount.  
 
So, I made a choice between my birth family and my CTL family and chose them because at the time, I believed that CTL was more important. I even lied to my family that I had already paid for the retreat and that was part of why I needed to go. The truth was, the bulk of my retreat expenses were added to my growing payment plan - assuring that I would be in debt to Doug for years to come which in turn assured that I would continue to work my fingers to the bone for him and his organization.
 
The complexity of CTL rules and the financial, social, emotional and spiritual dependence that I had on the organization, completely obscured my ability to see what was obvious.  I did not know at the time that my decision to not go to my brother's funeral was influenced by the grip that CTL and Doug had on my psyche and that at that time,  my mind was not fully my own. The complex web of conditions in CTL, spoken and inferred, clouded my ability to see what would be so obvious in a more normal situation: when your beloved brother dies suddenly, you go to the funeral, no matter what.
 
This was a case of “Where’s Gerette” in the complicated CTL Backdrop and it  still pains me, every time I think about it.
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A Busy Topic These Days

6/6/2017

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It ​is astounding that three and a half months have passed since my last blog post – especially because I have been writing more than at any other time in my life. You will hear more about that in a minute – for now, there is today.  

When I rolled out of bed this morning Bob asked “Are you getting up already?” When I saw that it was only 6 am, I gratefully dropped back into bed to snuggle. “Happy Anniversary,” he said as I slipped into his warm arms. I was aghast! I had forgotten that today was our 25th wedding anniversary! And I was touched that he had remembered. Weeks earlier, we had determined that our upcoming trip to France was both our family vacation and our anniversary celebration, so we did not make any big plans. Turns out he had nearly forgotten too - but we both agreed that we had to do something today. We quickly ditched most of our responsibilities for the day and decided to go up to Top Notch for a massage and spa day. Ahh…  

Chatting with Sylvia, my spritely, strong handed massage therapist, I paused (as I often do when someone asks me what I do), when she asked what I would be speaking about in France. As I settled onto the warm table resting my forehead into the soft white face cradle, I said succinctly “Cult Awareness”. “Oh! That’s a busy topic these days!” she replied.  I giggled. I love her response and in a different setting, would have asked her about her perspective on cults.  

Yes, indeed. Cults are a busy topic these days!  

In three weeks, I will be presenting a talk about Mind Bugs (see Nov 2016 post) and many social and neurological conditions that make it incredibly easy for smart people like you and I to fall into cults of all kinds – soft, hard and otherwise. I am thrilled to be presenting at the annual conference for the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) in Bordeaux France of all places. I am told that there are some excellent beverages in that town that I look forward to sampling!     

When I am not preparing for this presentation, I am also….drumroll…. WRITING A BOOK! I am so excited to be fully engaged in this creative and cathartic process. In addition to offering an understanding of current cultic dynamics while weaving in my personal experience, my book aims to challenge the shaming silence that our society has imposed on millions of individuals who have been influenced by cultic dynamics. It is my greatest hope that it will speak loudly, clearly, and gently to those who have suffered quietly for years or who are just beginning to recognize their circumstances.  

I will be sharing sections of my book in the coming weeks and months.  Stay tuned!

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Doug Digs Trump

2/21/2017

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​The sincere gratitude I felt for Trump’s successful campaign (see “Thank You Donald”) withered with the reality of the Inauguration. Silly as it seems, in December I still did not believe that he would actually become the President of these once united states. The truth is, it was traumatic for me to witness a man so blatantly brandishing many of Doug’s traits, rise to become the Commander in Chief of this beloved nation.  The truth is, it was traumatizing for me to watch so many fellow citizens, friends and family fall into a brainwashed enthusiasm so similar to the one that I myself had landed in under Doug’s “leadership”. The truth is, I was in shock and therefore speechless for 2 months.
But now I’m back – and I have a lot to say.
Last week’s press conference birthed a new focus for my writing: the parallels between Doug, (the leader of the destructive group that I was in for over 19 years) and President Trump.
I am most struck by the way that Trump communicates. Throughout the entire hour and 17 minute press conference, he kept up a casual banter about ‘the dishonesty in the Press’. Occasionally he would throw an excoriating dart, but for the most part it was numerous, off-handed cavalier statements.
Friends: beware. This is a repetitious and calculated technique to garner loyalty where there is a threat. Keeping it casual and using simplistic language is part of its power.  On the one hand he almost playfully dismisses the need for the Press and on the other, makes it clear that there are a ‘few good reporters’. It’s all about “us” versus “them”.  In this way, much of the underscore of President’s Trump’s communication in this press conference could be distilled into “Are you with me or are you against me?”
I recognize President Trump’s strategy because I experienced it for 19 years when I was under Doug’s tutelage. Throughout his lectures and during individual sessions, Doug sprinkled negative comments about people or groups who had challenged him. While under Doug’s influence, I did not perceive these comments as problematic. I was grateful for his warnings and made sure that I steered clear of those people. I did not want to associate with those who did not understand the truth of Doug’s brilliance. I was proud to be one of his loyal students and I worked diligently to stay in his good graces. It was not uncommon for Doug to end a session, playfully asking, “Are you ‘wit’ me or ‘agint’ me?” And I was ‘wit’ him more than I knew – until I wasn’t!
During the last two months, I felt frozen by the divisiveness of our current political landscape. I want to be clear: my work as a cult awareness educator is not about politics. My passion is to bring more awareness of destructive group dynamics regardless of the particular politics, religion or belief systems. My goal is to educate about dynamics and not to choose sides.
It is my greatest hope that by becoming more educated about Trump’s destructive traits that all Americans will be thinking for themselves and refusing to fall into the trance that many of our fellow citizens and officials  appear to be in right now. It is our birthright to protect our powerful, beautiful nation from undue influence by any one individual.
To this end, I need to ask: if Doug digs Trump, what do you dig?


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Thank You Donald

12/1/2016

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Everywhere I go these days, the conversation either beelines or meanders to “What are you doing to help the world right now?” For me, the answer is clear: focusing on Cult Awareness – it’s what I am most passionate about. Below is a mock letter that I won’t send to President Elect Donald Trump on this topic – but nonetheless, I’d like your opinion on how best to address these issues with the new administration. I don’t mind if you read this letter with a healthy dose of sarcasm but I want to assure you that the gratitude that I express herein, is absolutely sincere.  I also want to be clear that Cult Dynamics can exist in any religious, cultural or political group and I invite my readers who support Mr. Trump to try to look with some objectivity at the goals of the White Nationalist movement. I want to hear from all of you on this topic. Please read, send me your thoughts on how to address these issues and if you feel even slightly inspired, support me in my mission of increasing Cult Awareness by sharing this blog post with as many people as you can. And Thanks. 

​Dear Mr Trump,
I am writing to sincerely thank you for your recent contributions to the field of Cult Awareness Education. I am deeply grateful that you and your constituents are so vocal in re-focusing America and that this passionate venture is bringing to light that which has been hidden, roiling beneath the surface of our national sentiment. Cults have long been considered obscure and of concern to only a small fraction of our population but since you have taken center stage in our country; you have prompted an enormous national focus on these issues, stimulating unprecedented world-wide interest. I am convinced that this is indeed a good thing and as an educator I appreciate this teaching opportunity.  

I trust that you will agree with me Donald, that Cult membership (in all types of Cults) did not suddenly balloon in the last year, but that these “high control groups”, as we now call them, have been a strong, steady current attracting millions of people in wildly different ways for many, many years. Americans engage in a wide spectrum of cults ranging from what I call “Soft Cults” that are fairly harmless, to highly controlled Religious, Political and Psychological Cults all the way up on to the most violent ones: ISIS, KKK and the like.  At this point in history, I believe that most of the global population has been impacted by Cult Dynamics and this fact sits squarely in our collective Blind Spot.

Thankfully, your rise to power is helping to shine a light on this.

Thank you Donald, for so clearly demonstrating the traits of a Cult Leader. (see https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201208/dangerous-cult-leaders scroll down to the list of 50 traits of the pathological cult leader.)

Thank you Donald, for using Cult Strategies in such a high profile manner for millions upon millions to witness. (see http://reallyweirdstuff.com/howtobesuccessfulcultleader.htm http://workingpsychology.com/intro.html )

From one entrepreneur to another, I will admit that until recently, I was floundering in my efforts to pitch my business but all that has changed, thanks to you. I know that I still have an uphill climb, but now at least, the need for Cult Awareness Education is squarely on the map.

In all seriousness, I need to say that our country is doomed to unequivocal human and environmental disaster if you and your colleagues continue to push the White Nationalist agenda. Please ask your leadership team how much suffering you are willing to inflict on the American people before recognizing the profound selfishness of that cult's code. Let us look with honesty at the strengths and weaknesses of our great country and replace cult leadership with integrity and true passion for Truth, Freedom and Democracy. 

With gravity and gratitude, 
Gerette Buglion
Cult Awareness Educator
 
P.S. In case you don’t want to click on the links above, here is a small sample:

50 typical traits of the pathological cult leader (from Dangerous Personalities) you should watch for and which shout caution, get away, run, or avoid if possible: 
  1. He has a grandiose idea of who he is and what he can achieve.
  2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or brilliance.
  3. Demands blind unquestioned obedience.
  4. Requires excessive admiration from followers and outsiders.
  5. Has a sense of entitlement - expecting to be treated special at all times.
  6. Is exploitative of others by asking for their money or that of relatives putting others at financial risk.
  7. Is arrogant and haughty in his behavior or attitude.
  8. Has an exaggerated sense of power (entitlement) that allows him to bend rules and break laws.
  9. Takes sexual advantage of members of his sect or cult.
  10. Is hypersensitive to how he is seen or perceived by others. 
  11. Publicly devalues others as being inferior, incapable, or not worthy.
  12. Is frequently boastful of accomplishments.
(click on link above to see the rest…) See comment section below and share your thoughts! 
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Mind Bugs, Cults and Other Things Good People Prefer Not to Think About

11/1/2016

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Last week I gave a talk entitled “Mind Bugs, Cults and Other Things that Good People Prefer Not to Think About” at the Green Mountain Toastmaster’s Club in Stowe. Here is a written word version of the speech.
Mind bugs.  If you haven’t met them yet, I hope that you will soon. They are pesky sensory illusions that defy common sense and that is precisely why good people prefer not to think about them!
And a cult, even the word itself, is like the sound of nails running across a black board – Even really good people don’t want to think about cults.
In the next few paragraphs, we will look at a couple other things that good people prefer to not think about – but I sincerely hope that you will! In fact, I hope that you will want to think about mind bugs, cults and much more!
To begin: take a look at this picture of two tables and assure me that you see these two table tops are exactly the same size and shape. Agreed?? No? Well, what do you think is different?

If you think that these two table tops are different in size and shape, you are not alone and, umm… sorry to break it to you, you are also wrong.  If you don’t believe me, take a thin piece of paper and trace one of the table tops and then place it over the other one and you will see. Go ahead and do it. You are not going to believe me otherwise and it’s important that we are on the same page before going on. Got it? Are you with me?
This, my dear friends, is a mind bug. Even after proving that they are the same size and shape, we can look at them and they still look like they are different! It takes real effort to change how you are looking at these two table tops and see the truth of their sameness - and that is why most people prefer not to think about it!
This mind bug illusion was created by a renowned psychologist Roger Shepard and has been used in college classrooms and elsewhere for many years. He calls it “Turning the Tables”
But what is really happening here?  This is an issue of perspective.
I’m guessing that you have experienced this in other areas of your life. Perhaps you have had the experience of looking at a problem from one angle and it’s huge and completely overwhelming! And then, you shift your perspective and look at the same problem from another angle and … it’s tiny, suddenly inconsequential. What changed? Your perspective.
So, how does this mind bug perspective relate to cults?
Well, I can tell you because, as you know, I was in a cult for many years. In a cult, or any highly controlled group, you are trained to look at life from a very specific and limited perspective.  Cult leaders are experts in creating mind bugs and using them to their advantage, and sadly, to the disadvantage of their members. In the cult, you are indoctrinated to see everything from the group leader’s point of view.
I am an educated, caring adult, and I witnessed countless times where Doug, the group leader, used a raised voice and dramatic gestures while interacting with my beloved CTL family members. In my mind, this was Doug showing his fierce love and deep insight into that person’s soul struggle. Now that I have left CTL, I see it for what it was: psychological and spiritual abuse. What has changed in me? My perspective.
In a cult or highly controlled group, life is at best, two dimensional.
To continue with the table analogy: in the cult, I could only see life through the lense that Doug crafted and obviously, the table tops are completely different sizes, shapes and even had different soul characteristics. But now, since I left CTL, my brain circuitry is opening and healing and re-wiring and I am able to move freely around in this wonderful, three dimensional world that we live in. As I circle around the tables and look at them from all different angles and perspectives, I can see what previously, I was completely blind to: that the two table tops are in fact, the same.
When we are able to take in the whole 360 degrees and see in 3 dimensions, we are much, much more likely to see the facts for the facts.
As good people, we may not want to look at coercion or psychological and spiritual abuse or cults or mind bugs or any other unpleasant matters. But I hope that after reading this, something in your own perspective has changed, even a little, and that you are now willing to really think about it.  Because, quite simply, there is too much at stake for too many good people if we don’t.  

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The only thing we have to do

9/27/2016

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​ When I was a kid complaining about chores, I would use my best whiny voice and ask “Do I have to …?”  I am guessing that you are familiar with that common refrain. ‘Do I have to pick up my toys? Do I have to wash the dishes?’  Whenever any of us kids complained, my father would respond, without fail, “The only thing you have to do is die”.  Ask any of my siblings and they will concur and recite that line in the particular dramatic cadence of my deep voiced, beret wearing father.  "The only think you have to do is die."  How do you argue with that? Because the truth is, if you really think about it, he was right. On a fundamental level – the only thing we really have to do is... die. 
 
We are all going to die. Dying is a universal experience that links everyone one of us.  Although I have been interested in death and dying for many years, I have been surprised to find myself immersed in this topic for the last three years, even before the tragic death of my brother. I became a hospice volunteer, am a core member of a monthly discussion group called Death Café,  I participate in a neighborhood book discussion group on death and dying and am constantly bringing the topic into discussions with friends, family and my women’s group. I’ll admit: I’m a little obsessed.
 
I find it curious that my post cult healing process has been accompanied by this exploration.  I have found the death/dying conversation to be paradoxically inspiring and life enhancing.  Perhaps because the violation that I experienced from Doug was primarily on a spiritual level, I am drawn to exploring anything to do with spirituality and therefore death. For now, I am gently holding the question about how the death discussion relates to cult recovery, and will certainly come back to it.
 
One thing that is very clear to me is that culturally, it's taboo to talk about death.  Why is this? And how might our lives be different if we actually integrated discussions about death into our daily lives? How might our finite lives be different if we, dare say, celebrated death, or even looked forward to it??   Looking forward to death? It’s a radical thought. But not as radical as you might think.
 
A week ago I met someone who literally can't wait to die. His name is Peter Panagore and nearly  60 people came out of the Vermont woods to hear this man speak on a Tuesday evening. The title of his talk was “How dying taught me that death is just the beginning.” I had already read his book about his near death experience, so I had an inkling of what was coming – but it did not prepare me. His presentation blew my mind. This man can't wait to die, because he already did once, up on a mountain when he was 20 years old, ice climbing. He died of exposure. He knows what it is to die and he wants to go back there. He describes, in incredible detail how he separated from his body, and experienced … the indescribable – sensations of profound beauty, joy and of being flooded with light and surrounded by exquisite harmony and loved unconditionally - so completely beyond any worldly experience. Today, Peter wants to die, because he knows, unequivocally, that he is going back to that wondrous place.
 
Mr Panagore is not alone with this experience. Millions of people all around the globe have had near death experiences.  After the talk, I did a web search and found the website for the International Association for Near Death Studies (IANDS). They have documented millions of near death experiences, and studied the themes, many of them, very similar to Mr Panagore’s experience. The IANDS researchers report that the after effects of a near death experience are overwhelmingly positive: nearly 80% claim that they have less anxiety, no longer fear death and have a greater sense of life purpose.
 
The IANDS website has many resources – many of which connect to research and scholarly papers completed by Astrophysicists and Quantum Physics gurus who have proved and/or are proving that consciousness does not end when the body dies. The self does not die. In fact, they say that consciousness and matter exist in an incomprehensively multidimensional reality that can only really be understood as divine.
 
But I still have this question: if consciousness and the proof of divine reality after death are so amazing, why do we not want to talk about it? Heck, even if we don’t buy it, that despite those millions of first-hand accounts to the contrary, and we think that the end is just the end, there is still a big question in my mind: Why are we as a culture, so reluctant to talk about death?
 
Since we are all going to die, why not embrace death as an integral part of life? I can say that as a hospice volunteer and as a member of a Death Café discussion group my life has been profoundly enriched through facing into death unapologetically, with honesty and curiosity. And to this end, I want to invite you to do something that might make you feel uncomfortable – to speak with one person this week about death – a loved one, a friend or a complete stranger, and just see what happens. Be open to the miraculous. Since (in the words of my late father) the only thing we really have to do is die then let’s embrace it with the wonder and honesty of a vibrant life.  
 
 

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    Gerette Buglion

    Writer
    Reiki Teacher
    Cult Awareness Educator 

    My blog is a place where I write what is rising to the top, like cream, and wants to be shared.  Through writing, I am reclaiming a part of me that was left behind during a 18-year odyssey with a smart but destructive teacher and the high control group that developed around him. By sharing honestly, I hope to increase awareness of the prevalence of cultic dynamics both here in idyllic  VT and worldwide. For the record, I am choosing to not name the group or the group leader. I refer to the group as “CTL” and the leader as “Doug”. Additionally, I change the names of family members, friends and acquaintances near and far to honor their privacy.
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