I’ve been up since 3 am, fussing. My mind is spinning and I want to scream. Maybe that is what I need – I good primal scream… maybe I’ll try it, but not while everyone else is sleeping.
Just before going to bed last night I broke my ‘no computer after 8’ rule (again) because I had to login to the Copley Patient Portal to check my bloodwork results. I wanted to know what my recent thyroid labs would reveal because I have been working hard to reduce my dependency on medication and I believed that I had made some progress.
I was wrong. Argh. Today I know that I will receive a call from my Endocrinologist to increase my dose and this is not what I want to hear.
And I’m wondering, how is Mind Spinning related to Mind Leaping to Disaster? Is it the very same function of what I have started calling my ‘Jimmy mind’ – that quick moving, jumping to conclusions way of thinking?
Hmm… yes, I do believe that quick moving Jimmy has been at the wheel of my mind since 3 am and it’s now nearly 6. OK. This is something that I know how to correct, despite the cortisol stress hormones that are likely flooding my system right now, asking for more action. Yes, it is time to breathe, turn my attention to the still point in between my breaths and put my Reiki hands on my belly to ground.
I just took 10 minutes in my favorite chair and did exactly that. And my mind is slower, more open and reflective.
I can now bring self-compassion to my situation with my thyroid and my longing for greater balance. I trust that I am doing what I can and am grateful for medication that supports me. I can feel the difference in my thinking and can tell that ‘Jimmy’ is gone, because I am no longer jumping to conclusions and in rapid fire mode, like when I wrote earlier: “Today I know that I will receive a call from my Endocrinologist to increase my dose and this is not what I want to hear.” That sentence is flooded with stress and anxiety – can’t you hear it?
In consciously slowing down, just now, I have invited my deeper, more reflective and much smarter thinking system to the table. I have started calling this thinking system ‘Maud’. I love it when Maud comes out of her deep thinking cave and comes to sit with me. I need her more in my life.
Once again, I want to thank Daniel Kahneman for his seminal book, Thinking Fast and Slow. This book has been very helpful for me as I learn to enliven my capacity for the critical thinking that I gave up during all those years in CTL. I love exercising this new muscle between my ears and even more, I love the quiet spaciousness that mindfulness brings into my day.
What is your success today? How might you invite more of Maud’s quiet, clear presence into your day?