It has been two years and a day since I heard the words “It is over” and I began my life anew. Shortly after that ‘earth-quake’ of change when I left my group, I had the following dream:
It is night time and I am leaving people I love – something about my father… A storm is about to break. I feel a sense of connection and joy - I love storms! I walk out into the field – there is light enough to see softly. I like this sensation and I like that I can be seen by my loved ones. It is a luminous feeling. I feel a burst of joy and start to run, feeling the cool grass under my feet. There is a flash of lightening and in the glow; I see a deer running along the edge of the field. She turns and is now running straight towards me. I pause, filled with joy at the sight and put out my hand. The deer comes right to my hand – I feel her head and back as she runs past me and I am filled with awe and energy.
Although I have referred to it a number of times, I have not read this dream in over two years and today I am humbled by its gentle prophecy. It was this dream and the tingling sensation in my hands that prompted me to call Nancy Mosher and begin my personal journey with Reiki. The storm of the following year, culminating in the death of my father, was weathered and eased with my daily Reiki self-practice. As I churned through family drama and faced into many dark corners of my post cult healing process, Reiki has provided light-filled ballast to my days. Again and again, I have felt the sensation of being ‘re-wired’ - back to my essential self throughout this healing journey.
It is now a month since I wrote these words above and progress has brought me to this moment of reckoning. It is simply time to post my first blog. And with it, I include my first poem in ages. Yup…it’s time to dive!
Deer:
You reached for my hand,
just like that whale I witnessed years ago:
Spyhopping
Shifting its massive grace
Just within reach of her outstretched hand.
I saw you do it.
She gets to live the rest of her life saying
"I touched a whale!"
But really, you touched her.
You came to me
Much like the dragonflies this morning:
Finding me in sun, overlooking the pond.
Ten or more resting on me:
Carnal, unpure me.
You found me
And made me holy
Undeserving as I am.
Whale:
In this other world
You and I were bound together
In grief.
It is I
who held the knife
But our wailing is one
It is I
who plunged deeply into your yielding flesh.
You do not flinch
It is I
who flinches eons later
In my temporal foray
I no longer know myself.
Deer:
You bring me home
To my hands.
Hands hold the key
To remembering who I am.
You and I:
And from here, I pray
They
gently remind You
Of Home.
Is this where we meet?
Where both hands hold a knife
And we each
receive the blade?
My Dream Early 1990s | Grand Manan Island, NB
I am on a beach with a whale. I am holding a knife and, knowing what must be done, plunge it into her yielding flesh –going deeper and deeper. I and the whale are keening – our cries filling the air around us.
It is night time and I am leaving people I love – something about my father… A storm is about to break. I feel a sense of connection and joy - I love storms! I walk out into the field – there is light enough to see softly. I like this sensation and I like that I can be seen by my loved ones. It is a luminous feeling. I feel a burst of joy and start to run, feeling the cool grass under my feet. There is a flash of lightening and in the glow; I see a deer running along the edge of the field. She turns and is now running straight towards me. I pause, filled with joy at the sight and put out my hand. The deer comes right to my hand – I feel her head and back as she runs past me and I am filled with awe and energy.
Although I have referred to it a number of times, I have not read this dream in over two years and today I am humbled by its gentle prophecy. It was this dream and the tingling sensation in my hands that prompted me to call Nancy Mosher and begin my personal journey with Reiki. The storm of the following year, culminating in the death of my father, was weathered and eased with my daily Reiki self-practice. As I churned through family drama and faced into many dark corners of my post cult healing process, Reiki has provided light-filled ballast to my days. Again and again, I have felt the sensation of being ‘re-wired’ - back to my essential self throughout this healing journey.
It is now a month since I wrote these words above and progress has brought me to this moment of reckoning. It is simply time to post my first blog. And with it, I include my first poem in ages. Yup…it’s time to dive!
Deer:
You reached for my hand,
just like that whale I witnessed years ago:
Spyhopping
Shifting its massive grace
Just within reach of her outstretched hand.
I saw you do it.
She gets to live the rest of her life saying
"I touched a whale!"
But really, you touched her.
You came to me
Much like the dragonflies this morning:
Finding me in sun, overlooking the pond.
Ten or more resting on me:
Carnal, unpure me.
You found me
And made me holy
Undeserving as I am.
Whale:
In this other world
You and I were bound together
In grief.
It is I
who held the knife
But our wailing is one
It is I
who plunged deeply into your yielding flesh.
You do not flinch
It is I
who flinches eons later
In my temporal foray
I no longer know myself.
Deer:
You bring me home
To my hands.
Hands hold the key
To remembering who I am.
You and I:
And from here, I pray
They
gently remind You
Of Home.
Is this where we meet?
Where both hands hold a knife
And we each
receive the blade?
My Dream Early 1990s | Grand Manan Island, NB
I am on a beach with a whale. I am holding a knife and, knowing what must be done, plunge it into her yielding flesh –going deeper and deeper. I and the whale are keening – our cries filling the air around us.
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