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I Began My Life Anew

6/30/2016

1 Comment

 
It has been two years and a day since I heard the words “It is over” and I began my life anew. Shortly after that ‘earth-quake’ of change when I left my group, I had the following dream:

It is night time and I am leaving people I love – something about my father… A storm is about to break. I feel a sense of connection and joy - I love storms!  I walk out into the field – there is light enough to see softly. I like this sensation and I like that I can be seen by my loved ones. It is a luminous feeling. I feel a burst of joy and start to run, feeling the cool grass under my feet. There is a flash of lightening and in the glow; I see a deer running along the edge of the field. She turns and is now running straight towards me. I pause, filled with joy at the sight and put out my hand. The deer comes right to my hand – I feel her head and back as she runs past me and I am filled with awe and energy.

Although I have referred to it a number of times, I have not read this dream in over two years and today I am humbled by its gentle prophecy. It was this dream and the tingling sensation in my hands that prompted me to call Nancy Mosher and begin my personal journey with Reiki. The storm of the following year, culminating in the death of my father, was weathered and eased with my daily Reiki self-practice. As I churned through family drama and faced into many dark corners of my post cult healing process, Reiki has provided light-filled ballast to my days. Again and again, I have felt the sensation of being ‘re-wired’ - back to my essential self throughout this healing journey.

It is now a month since I wrote these words above and progress has brought me to this moment of reckoning. It is simply time to post my first blog. And with it, I include my first poem  in ages. Yup…it’s time to dive!
 
Deer:  
You reached for my hand,   
just like that whale I witnessed years ago:  
Spyhopping  
Shifting its massive grace   
Just within reach of her outstretched hand.  
I saw you do it.  
She gets to live the rest of her life saying   
"I touched a whale!"   
But really, you touched her.   
  
You came to me  
Much like the dragonflies this morning:  
Finding me in sun, overlooking the pond.   
Ten or more resting on me:  
Carnal, unpure me.   
You found me  
And made me holy  
Undeserving as I am.  
  
Whale:  
In this other world  
You and I were bound together  
In grief.  
It is I   
who held the knife   
But our wailing is one  
It is I   
who plunged deeply into your yielding flesh.  
You do not flinch  
  
It is I   
who flinches eons later  
In my temporal foray  
I no longer know myself.   
  
Deer:  
You bring me home  
To my hands.  
Hands hold the key  
To remembering who I am.  
  
You and I: 
And from here, I pray 
They   
gently remind You   
Of Home.   
  
Is this where we meet?  
Where both hands hold a knife  
And we each   
receive the blade?  
  
My Dream Early 1990s | Grand Manan Island, NB  
I am on a beach with a whale.  I am holding a knife and, knowing what must be done, plunge it into her yielding flesh –going deeper and deeper.  I and the whale are keening – our cries filling the air around us. 
 
 
 
 

1 Comment
Minnesota Adult Stars link
12/21/2022 12:24:42 am

I enjoyed readingg this

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    Gerette Buglion

    Writer
    Reiki Teacher
    Cult Awareness Educator 

    My blog is a place where I write what is rising to the top, like cream, and wants to be shared.  Through writing, I am reclaiming a part of me that was left behind during a 18-year odyssey with a smart but destructive teacher and the high control group that developed around him. By sharing honestly, I hope to increase awareness of the prevalence of cultic dynamics both here in idyllic  VT and worldwide. For the record, I am choosing to not name the group or the group leader. I refer to the group as “CTL” and the leader as “Doug”. Additionally, I change the names of family members, friends and acquaintances near and far to honor their privacy.
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